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Ask for help

“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” ― Marshall B. Rosenberg

You’re not weak or lazy – everyone needs support. We thrive when we work together, each being able to share our strengths whilst others fill in the gaps with their strengths.

We recently heard a story of a mom who was collecting her daughter from school, and the ensuing conversation went a little like this:

When I picked up my seven-year-old daughter from school on a recent afternoon, the first thing she did, before even saying hello, was hand me her water bottle: ‘Mom, can you open this for me? The lid’s too tight.’ I asked if she’d had any water all day, and she shook her head no. As she took a large swig, I imagined her suffering quietly with thirst all day long.

Why didn’t she just ask her kind and caring teacher to help unscrew the lid? I asked my daughter, and she said she had thought about it, ‘but I didn’t want her to know I was too weak to open it myself. And she was busy.’

the importance of speaking up

We see this often, and not just in kids, a frequent pattern among our team and clients over the years.

Whether it’s an executive who has trouble asking employees to take on projects, someone with a medical condition who needs help with daily tasks, or a working parent who needs more support, people from all walks of life can struggle with asking for help.

It’s all too easy for us to think of our needs as a burden to others: “I don’t want to impose”… “They have enough on their plate”… “I can handle it.” We live in neighbourhoods of houses hidden behind walls of more than just brick, concrete and wood; our social barriers are walls that can keep us protected, but also unhealthily isolated.

We have conversations in our heads where we assume, on behalf of the other person, that they can’t help us, and we deny them the opportunity to help meet our needs.

Yet giving, receiving, and supporting each other is a fundamental and beautiful natural impulse (think about the last time you helped a friend—it felt good, right?). Our survival as a species is rooted in our interdependence, not our independence!

If you’re struggling to ask for help, check your assumptions about asking for help. Do you have negative associations, critical self-talk, concerns about how you will be perceived, or self-sacrificing beliefs? All of these are stories that we tell ourselves, and they are unhealthy. Overcoming these limiting beliefs begins with us deciding to ask for help, choosing the right people and being able to ask in the face of discomfort. Waiting for it to be easier, or for life to be simpler, will probably never happen!

If you need to speak to someone today about getting help, please consider someone in our SFP team. Although we specialise in financial planning, we know that life and money are linked, and we can’t work on one without working on the other. We’re here for you.

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